What happens when we die? Where do we go when we die? The questions are endless.
My Aunt Sheila died today which, as you can probably imagine, has me thinking a lot about death. I'm going to share my thoughts and experience with losing a loved one and with death. Right here, right now because we all experience losing loved ones, and we are all, at some point, going to die.
For a long time I thought of death as the finale, the end, a place that was dark and left me feeling depressed, scared and questioning. Utter fear of the unknown, fear of what happens to the person who dies and the fear of experiences without the newly deceased person. Death was not definitive, nor was it a concept that I learned in school or from a textbook. Death was a funeral and crying, followed by trying to accept that I would not see that person again. Those were my thoughts around death for a long time.
In 2013, after reading, Many Lives, Many Masters, by Brian L. Weiss M.D., following the death of my beloved cousin, Jenna, my relationship and understanding of death completely changed. I have been able to comprehend and believe death is a separation of body and spirit. The body returns to the earth and the spirit to the universe. The spirit continues to exist in the realm and can be accessed by the still living. A connection is able to exist without the physical. The body is the vessel which the spirit is held and when that vessel leaves the physical world the spirit is all around, no longer inside one, single vessel. Eventually, that spirit may return in a different vessel but it is the spirit's choice to return. You know when you meet someone that you feel like you have met or known before? What if that person's spirit was someone you were connected to before their passing? That is possible.
Going through the death of a loved one has been an experience. An experience of deep and real emotions. An experience of coming together within community, leaning on others while also being leaned on. Something happens when someone dies, suddenly, anything that has mattered before, seems to fade. The compassion and open hearts that show up become many, and the individuals affected become bonded. The death of my grandpa is what brought the relationship with my brother back and I can never forget it. Life is short.
My dearest, great Aunt Sheila Davis died early this morning after a long battle with ovarian cancer. Over the past few weeks she was in and out of the hospital and eventually was admitted into hospice care. I've watched the process, for the first time in my life, of seeing a strong, brave, courageous lady fade all the way to death. She was a feisty, little lady who let you know exactly how she felt, even if you didn't ask. She loved back rubs from any family member, but always told me that I was really good at them, and always wanted to know what I was up to when I saw her. She had lots of questions like, "How are you? Are you dating anybody? How are your mom and dad? How's Daniel? How's Natalie?" And the questions kept going from there. She had a big heart and loved all of the family so much. She loved Judaism, Beth Yeshurun, all sporting events that consisted of Houston teams, watching tennis, game shows on television and especially playing Texas Hold'em.
Over the past few weeks, I have been able to talk about her situation with others and I have had time to process what we all knew was coming, death. I feel a loss but I feel an acceptance around the loss. Aunt Sheila is no longer in physical pain. I do not know what it feels like to die. I do not know what it sounds like to die. I do not know what it looks like to be the one dying. But I do know what it feels like to watch a loved one die. Aunt Sheila, I know your loving spirit is here with us and with me. I love you so much and am so grateful that I was able to have you for 27 years.
May you rest in peace. I love you, today and always.
Love,
Your Sarah Elizabeth
-The Sprint for Life 5k in Houston, supporting Ovarian Cancer Research, is May 2nd, 2015. Registration will be open soon.
http://www.mdanderson.org/how-you-can-help/other-ways-to-help/sprint-for-life/index.html
My Aunt Sheila died today which, as you can probably imagine, has me thinking a lot about death. I'm going to share my thoughts and experience with losing a loved one and with death. Right here, right now because we all experience losing loved ones, and we are all, at some point, going to die.
 |
| Nat, Aunt Sheila, Me and Dan |
In 2013, after reading, Many Lives, Many Masters, by Brian L. Weiss M.D., following the death of my beloved cousin, Jenna, my relationship and understanding of death completely changed. I have been able to comprehend and believe death is a separation of body and spirit. The body returns to the earth and the spirit to the universe. The spirit continues to exist in the realm and can be accessed by the still living. A connection is able to exist without the physical. The body is the vessel which the spirit is held and when that vessel leaves the physical world the spirit is all around, no longer inside one, single vessel. Eventually, that spirit may return in a different vessel but it is the spirit's choice to return. You know when you meet someone that you feel like you have met or known before? What if that person's spirit was someone you were connected to before their passing? That is possible.
 |
| Aunt Sheila loved selfies! |
Going through the death of a loved one has been an experience. An experience of deep and real emotions. An experience of coming together within community, leaning on others while also being leaned on. Something happens when someone dies, suddenly, anything that has mattered before, seems to fade. The compassion and open hearts that show up become many, and the individuals affected become bonded. The death of my grandpa is what brought the relationship with my brother back and I can never forget it. Life is short.
My dearest, great Aunt Sheila Davis died early this morning after a long battle with ovarian cancer. Over the past few weeks she was in and out of the hospital and eventually was admitted into hospice care. I've watched the process, for the first time in my life, of seeing a strong, brave, courageous lady fade all the way to death. She was a feisty, little lady who let you know exactly how she felt, even if you didn't ask. She loved back rubs from any family member, but always told me that I was really good at them, and always wanted to know what I was up to when I saw her. She had lots of questions like, "How are you? Are you dating anybody? How are your mom and dad? How's Daniel? How's Natalie?" And the questions kept going from there. She had a big heart and loved all of the family so much. She loved Judaism, Beth Yeshurun, all sporting events that consisted of Houston teams, watching tennis, game shows on television and especially playing Texas Hold'em.
 |
| I love you Auntie |
Over the past few weeks, I have been able to talk about her situation with others and I have had time to process what we all knew was coming, death. I feel a loss but I feel an acceptance around the loss. Aunt Sheila is no longer in physical pain. I do not know what it feels like to die. I do not know what it sounds like to die. I do not know what it looks like to be the one dying. But I do know what it feels like to watch a loved one die. Aunt Sheila, I know your loving spirit is here with us and with me. I love you so much and am so grateful that I was able to have you for 27 years.
May you rest in peace. I love you, today and always.
Love,
Your Sarah Elizabeth
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| Dad, me and Mom at the 2014 Sprint for Life 5K, supporting Ovarian Cancer Research |
-The Sprint for Life 5k in Houston, supporting Ovarian Cancer Research, is May 2nd, 2015. Registration will be open soon.
http://www.mdanderson.org/how-you-can-help/other-ways-to-help/sprint-for-life/index.html
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